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Kate Moore, a 15-year-old from Iowa, decided to make a mid-June trip to New York City. The visit, however, was not for pleasure. She did not come to see a play or climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Moore brought a nimble set of digits and was all business. She was there to text.

Tuesday marked the final round of the third-annual LG National Texting Championship. Thousands of entrants came with phones-in-hand, and over two days were narrowed down to a skilled handful. Obstacles were thrown at the contestants left and right. They were even blindfolded.

Finally, the competition came down to Moore and 14-year-old Morgan Dynda, who was competing for the second year in a row. The final task: flawlessly text the chorus of “zip-a-dee-do-dah.” Moore proved the most sprightly-fingered.

Her prize? $50,000. Are you kidding me?

Nothing makes me sick to my stomach like seeing a 15-year-old walk away with the median American Median Household Income for texting.

And how did she get so good? Practice. Moore averages over 14,000 texts per month. I can’t even imagine having 14,000 thoughts over that span.

News to LG and Ms. Moore: We are in a recession. Giving $50,000 to a teenager who can afford to send 14,000 texts a month is not the solution. This competition speaks volumes about our country’s current state of affairs. The Canadian competition receives only $25,000 for its entire prize pool. I suppose that would be a start.

What’s worse is that LG Vice President Ehtisham Rabbani is devising a Texting World Cup for the Fall. It would pin the winners of LG’s national competitions (United States, Canada, Korea, and more) against each other.

Honestly, if LG has the money to throw around on having teens text on treadmills, I believe that I have found the source of our current economic debacle– misappropriated funds. I do not care how much they feel that this raises their product awareness, this is the dumbest thing that I have ever heard of.

Shortly enough the event will be televised and there will be Las Vegas odds on these pre-pubescent wonder children. And to follow that will be LG’s scouting combine.

All that I can say is that I cannot wait until the field expands to include iPhones and other non-LG devices. If Kate knows what’s good for her she had better keep practicing. Perhaps some interval training and a revised nutritional plan are in order. Mom and dad, get on that!

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